Wednesday, November 15, 2017


Her eyes remind him of the  whiskey in his glass. 
Burning amber liquid.
A fire begins to rage as she speaks of freedom,
love and the darkness inside.

The Memory Collector

Sometimes I feel as if I'm nothing more than a memory collector 
and maybe that's all I'll ever be.
I'm not quite sure if I've made peace with this fact yet or not.

A Dark Night

There's a dark night in my mind which I often think of, a silent still night.
You and I are seated under a tree on a bench in the park I love so much.
You ask me for a kiss in the darkness and I laughed out loud, wondering who asks a woman for a kiss anymore..
A gentleman perhaps. 
You probably couldn't tell but I'm blushing and a bit speechless. 
None of which I'm accustomed to. 
And I guess it's funny, because you didn't kiss me there anyway..
I thought the story would be incomplete.. The story of our kiss would remain without an ending. 
I wonder when you had decided that you weren't going home without sharing the breath in my lungs. 
And then you pulled up on the side of a road leaning into me, our lips met cautiously at first and then freely, hungrily. 
You didn't want to go home without more of me and so I took you to a personal place. 
A haunted dark place I used to roam around in as a young girl.
I feel your hand go around my neck and this time I'm the one leaning into you. 
The tips of our fingers meet and we hold hands as we kiss deeper than before, longer than before.
I can taste the smoke in your lungs and something calms down inside the raging seas of my soul.
You drive me home and I leave your car slightly dizzy, happy and at ease.
I suppose this is what a good day should be like.

Changing faces

I made it through the different phases of my life by 
changing my face as many times as I needed to.
I suppose the only good thing about being able to switch faces 
and personalities is that it helps you survive, 
otherwise I'd love nothing except just to exist as I am. 
The world unfortunately doesn't allow something so simple.

Black Holes

Girls with eyes like black holes, beware..
They will leave you speechless, all you will be able to do is stare.

To Run Freely

There's an overwhelming and overpowering inclination 
to run freely till I'm completely out of breath ,
till I can't feel everything that I feel anymore.

October Nights

October nights are back in town and so are random thoughts 
and memories about people I've not spoken to in years..
People I loved more than I thought I ever could love anyone.
I understand the fact that maybe things weren't supposed to work out with them, 
and yet my heart thinks that because I loved them so dearly, 
everything should have fallen into place. 
Alas, the world does not revolve around our happiness alone. 
People aren't required to love us in the ways that 
we may love them or in any way at all.
I know and understand everything, 
yet there are nights in the winter when 
silently the darkness creeps in like the smoke from a smokers mouth 
which then becomes the shadows I dance with.
The dawn never arrives but I don't mind.

The First Time

And if you could freeze yourself within a memory,
would it be the first time you ever saw me? 

More Lives Than One

My body exists in this moment, 
in this place, 
and yet my soul is in pieces scattered through time.
I'm still living in the many places I just can't leave behind 
with the many people I just can't remember to forget.
I'm still living more lives than one and perhaps I always will.
I'm the girl who moves on in life but not necessarily 
within the four walls of her dark mind.

The Song I Don't Sing Out Loud

My father is the song I don't always sing out loud.
he's a song alive and raging inside my heart.

I don't always understand the poetry of the lyrics, 
but the words waltz through my mind without a care.
It's not always a happy song,
and that's when my heart breaks.

The music isn't always the composition I imagine it to be, 
yet I listen, hoping to find structure in the chaos of his design.
My father's symphony is a unique one, 
he is the song I don't always sing out loud.
he's a song alive and raging inside my heart.

You Want to Die

I know you want to die,
I see it in your precious eyes 
But you can't until you do.
Everything else isn't true. 

Notions of Hope

The idea of eventual nothingness is 
helping me get through each day of this life.
I'm almost certain that this emptiness is keeping me alive.
If I ever had any hope at all,
I've packed it away in a box, got rid of it.
What good would notions of hope do me, 
if I don't believe?

Houses and Homes

Houses may be overrated but homes are not.
The person that I am still believes in a place called home 
where the world doesn't seem so heavy, where one is safe.
I have a deep-rooted faith that home is the only place 
where we can heal our wounds before the battles of tomorrow are fought once more. 

A Glass Palace

From her glass palace of memories,
no one is free to leave.
Not at least until she breathes no more,
for only then
will the prison of her mind
cease to exist,
and it will all end,
specifically, this war.

Rage is Fuel

Rage may be your poison,
but it's my fuel.
Happiness and I don't see eye to eye.

Mom and I

Every so often I realize that she and I 
exist where the dark meets the light.
Mom and I,
we live where the shadows live.

My Beast

He's a beast of some sort,
and for lack of a better word I'll just say that he's a vampire.
A blood thirsty vampire in love with me.
The undead haunting these nights I dream of.
Powerful. Swift. Silent.
I'm his desire, I'm his weakness. 
Tonight there's an urgency in his manner, h
e's usually so cool and collected. 
He sinks his teeth into my neck with a need I've never felt before.
I see his eyes glaze over as he sinks his teeth deeper and drinks. 
I feel my pulse begin to slow and I touch his face to remind him that I'll die if he doesn't stop.
He releases me slowly and the haze of his brown eyes begins to clear.
Other shadows with fangs like himself want to feed on me but he'd never allow another near me.
Instead they bury their fangs into the back of his neck 
as I lay still beneath him wrapped up safe in his arms.
The last thing I remember is his neck bleeding from the puncture wounds 
and drops of his blood mixed with mine land on and splatter my face.

If you Were To

If you were to crack my skull open 
and take a walk through the streets of my fragmented mind, 
well we'd both be terrified, 
my thoughts exposed with no place left to hide.

And if you were to break open my heart 
to take a look inside, 
well you'd see all the people and their secrets I've been carrying, 
strangers who ended up staying more than just one night.

And if you were to rip open my soul, 
well I'm sure that you'd find unexpected magic 
and never would it allow you to grow old.

And if you were to know me as I exist, 
you'd probably understand the parts of me in a twist.

If you were to, if you were to.

Somewhere in My Mind

Somewhere in my mind there's only you 
and everything abandoned and broken.
Somewhere in my mind, 
there will always be a place where's there's only you, 
the abandonment and everything broken.
Everything I love so dearly, everything I loved so dearly.
Somewhere in my mind I'm both alive and dead all at once.

Types of Love

There are so many types of love in this wide world.
Some which I have experienced,
I recognise them all too well.
And so many more that I don't and will probably never understand.
What I've learned is that we accept the type which feels right 
to us whether or not the rest of the world agrees.

After Thoughts

After thoughts of you which may still linger through 
my mind once in a while, 
are no longer any of your business.

Broken Mirrors

Broken mirrors can't be repaired, 
your face will never be the same again, 
we can only try to get used to the reflection staring back.
It's not as bad as it seems,
there's a certain amount of strength and courage 
in the one who can stare into the eyes of a shattered version 
of themselves without breaking down all over again in the process.

Saturday, November 4, 2017


I buried so much of my life into the earth, 
and much more so inside your soul and into the years that once were.
But I've buried the most within my heart..
Burdens I needed to plant somewhere 
so that maybe something could grow from them 
and yet I couldn't completely abandon them either.

On My Own

I may have inherited my parents' melancholy but as painful as it was,
I gave birth to my torments and sorrows all on my own.

Some Things Will Never Return

Unfortunately or fortunately, 
depending on the situation and your perspective, 
there are things and people who will never return to you 
no matter how many tears you may shed for them. 
Some you will lose to life and others you will lose to death.